Can I Give You One Last Hug?

— "Dad, Dad, Dad what do you think?!”

 

— "Tell me son, what's wrong?”

 

— "Do you remember that I told you that I was going to try to lift 200 kilos in a squat?”

 

— "Yes, of course I remember. But, I also remember that I asked you to be very careful; I don't want you to get hurt.”

 

— "Don't worry Dad, I inherited your strength, your courage and determination...”

 

— “You are my son, of course, I would worry if something happened to you. But, tell me what happened. Could you?”

 

— "You see, I couldn't at first. I tried to lift 190 kilos, but just as I was climbing, I felt that my legs were running out of strength... I couldn't climb...”

 

— "And didn't you hurt your back or your knees? Did you wear a belt? Was there someone helping you?”

 

— "Calm down, let me tell you what happened.”

 

— "Sorry, but I'm worried that something bad is happening to you, I don't know a hernia or something.”

 

— "Don't worry, let me tell you how it works. We can try to lift the weight 3 times. If after 3 attempts we couldn't, we lose.”

 

— "So?”

 

— "So, on my second attempt, I wanted to lift 195 kilos.

 

— "But why?

 

—“That's what I'm going for. When they asked me how much weight I would be lifting, I told them 195 kilos, and you can imagine; they looked at me with a surprised and doubtful face. Maybe because they thought I couldn't do it with 190, I couldn't do it with 195, but you taught me to believe in myself and in my own decisions. That's how you did it, and that's how I learned.

 

— ”You were my engine in every battle. You were my oxygen when I was having a hard time breathing…”

 

— “I love you very much Dad, did you know that?

 

— "I knew it from the first moment I held you in my arms, from the first time the word “dad” was uttered from your mouth... But come on, tell me, they're waiting for me…”

 

— “I will tell you, but please promise me that you will come to visit us more often. Talk to him and ask for permission to come down more often…”

— “I'll ask him...”

 

— "That's why you're the best... It's my turn. I was actually feeling nervous. It's been a long time since I tried, maybe a couple of years, but despite the doubts, there was a voice inside me that said I should try... I tried... I stared at the bar, and I knew it was better than me... I held it tightly, I got into position, and the bar was now lying on my shoulders. I take the bar out of its place; I take a few small steps. I positioned my feet, I stared at what was in front of me... I took a breath, I knew I could and should do it... I went down. It felt good, but when I got up, I felt like my legs were starting to wobble, as if the bar was getting heavier, or I was getting weaker, I still don't know what happened... I was halfway there. I thought“

 

"I couldn't”... The bar beat me once again...”

 

— “What?! Why did you want to do it?”

 

— "Wait... The bar was now resting on the safety bars, and I was lying there on the floor without understanding what had gone wrong. I didn't understand what was going on, I thought I had already studied it. It was not the first time I did it... I went to the room that is for the competitors. I sat down and started analyzing every move, and every little action that I did out there a few moments ago...”

 

— "And what happened?”

 

— "I thought. The squat, the deadlift, and the bench press are the perfect analogy of life, did you know that? That is to say, one fights against a heavy resistance that is trying to impose on us, and whenever one tries to climb, that's when everything becomes more complicated, and that's right there where many fail... That is, for example, in the squat: taking out the bar and going down is simple, anyone can do it, but it's not until one tries to climb that our strength is really put to the test. It is at that moment when the knees feel most fragile, where the trembling of the legs becomes more evident, where you feel as if the back is splitting in two, and many fears begin to arise “What if I get injured?”"Will I be able to go up? She is very heavy” "I would have tried with less weight” "I think I would have waited better". And suddenly, one stays down, and the bar has been imposed. And the same goes for the other exercises. Of course, they impose, but, you know, I was afraid. I let myself be defeated without having fought before…

I remembered everything you had told me, your dreams, your longings, your experiences, your fears even, but at the same time, how is it that, despite having fallen into the fierce clutches of fear, you knew how to face it and stepped forward when you needed yourself the most. How is it that, in fear, you never allowed that bar to be imposed on you.

I saw that photo that I always carry with me... That image that will live perpetually in my heart... My brother and I; two children without knowing the challenges that would get in the way. Two children free from all malice, and oblivious to fear, but very close to happiness and peace... There you were. In the background, showing your biceps, looking with determination and without fear... Who would have imagined it, don't you think? It's as if from that moment it had already been a sign that you would always be there to give us strength, courage, and determination.

So I came out of there totally determined. I wouldn't let that bar beat me. I walked down the corridor until I reached the corresponding place. They asked me how much I weighed, I indicated “202.25 kilos please". “Are you sure?” they asked me, “I've never been more confident than now." They exchanged glances with each other. I saw the bar. I painted my hands completely with magnesia. My shoulders are white because of the tapestry left by magnesia. I stood in front of the bar. "God, help me, give me strength please. I promised it to my father." I crossed myself. I held the bar firmly. I positioned her on my shoulders. I pulled out the bar. Something had happened, it was stronger…

I took a breath. The descent began. I came to the point. I tried to go up... halfway and boom! I'm starting to feel my legs shaking again. My knees feel fragile, I feel like my back is about to break in two... “Will I make it?”I asked myself…
The world around me stopped. Suddenly I wasn't there anymore. The bar was no longer on me. I was on my way to the workshop on a Saturday afternoon. You were already late and I wanted to see if everything was okay. I walk into your office and there you are, listening to music. You talk to me and say “Come, listen to this song". He was “Capitán Tapón" by Alejandro Sanz. You said 'That's our song.'

Everything changed once again in the blink of an eye. I am now at the closing of the high school. I'm about to receive my certificate. I see you with the camera ready to take pictures of me. I receive my paper and you photograph me. We walk out of there and you tell me you're proud of me.
I close my eyes again. I go back to that moment where I felt my legs shaking, but now, I've taken a look, and I see how my legs are stronger. Suddenly, my knees have been strengthened. My back is made of iron now. I look towards the front and there you are. Posing like in that photo, showing me your biceps as a sign that it is now when I have to be stronger. That in adversity is when we most need to be strong and not let the bar beat us that pulse.
I took a breath, closed my eyes. I felt as if all my strength was concentrated in one place, with one goal: not to give up. I open my eyes, a crowd is standing in front of me, but my eyes only see you. You smile at me and say, “I'm proud of you. I knew you wouldn't give up.”

They applaud me, but I only cared to listen to you. The world had stopped, and I could be with you....”

 

— "I love you my Jorgito, the littlest of my children...”

 

— “And I to you... I will never give up...”

 

— "And I know that you can always do with everything you set your mind to... Well son, I have to go. Your grandparents and your aunt are waiting for me...”

 

— “Will you come to visit me again?”

 

— "Whenever you need me, I will be there... You just have to close your eyes and hug your heart and you will find me... Because now my home is everywhere you go as long as you keep remembering me...”

 

— “Can I give you a hug?”

 

— "As many as you want...”

 

I saw you leave once more, but this time there was peace....
Thank you for everything, my father…