Act 1 – Is This The Beginning?
Once I sent a message to a friend, I sent her a good morning photo, with a small note wishing her much success… I told her that if at any time she needed something, that I would always be there for her… She told me that it was too much, that, if I didn’t want to ruin our friendship, I wouldn’t send that type of message again… It hurt me, it hit me a lot… It made me feel that everything I did was wrong, that it didn’t matter what step I took, that it didn’t matter, that Just to even try to show affection was wrong… I shared my feelings about our friendship with her, I let her know how much I cared about her and how valuable our friendship was to me… I thought I had regained her friendship… By wanting to share with her a little bit of a trip, but she told me not to do it, not to send her messages that are not expected…
I fell in love, I fell into your charms, into your smile, those eyes captivated me, they awakened in me feelings and emotions that I had never experienced, sensations that shook me and got me out of bed, because just by talking to you for 5 minutes, It made my world look better, because no matter the deluge that flooded me, talking to you was like going to my safe place… I don’t know what happened… Maybe it was me, or it was that it caught up with me… Seeing how time changed, and with this, our interaction went through a process of metamorphosis, it made me feel afraid, afraid of being replaced, afraid of not being good enough… I recognize that I made many mistakes, and I accept that I did things that perhaps could have made you feel uncomfortable, and for that, I ask your forgiveness, perhaps you will not read this, because today we do not speak, not even a hello to each other, despite the great moments that we lived regardless of being separated by thousands of kilometers of sea… Regardless of this distance, we knew to get closer, we knew how to create something, that, with all the pain in my heart, I have to accept that today we are nothing more than two strangers again…
But that we carry with ourselves, a couple of memories in common… Memories that for quite some time gave life to the hope that you and I could return to being what, at the time, was magical for me, for my heart and soul… But as the days passed by my window, and the seasons continued their inexorable passage, the caresses of the icy winter wind that brushed against my face, told me that I should stop hoping that everything would go back to how it was before… The jingle bells no longer awakened the same Christmas spirit, the punch did not taste the same, the boy with the drum no longer moved in me those feelings that make me know how beautiful Christmas is… It was a different winter than the previous one… Those moments listening to music, separating ourselves from the whole world, creating our own universe, where only you and I were part of the joy that embraced that place… All that already belonged only to the past, to the book that you and I once wrote, to the diary with which I had the joy of writing at your side, despite the distance…
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Act 2 – I Don’t Know What To Do.
– You should talk to her, nothing bad will happen. What’s the worst that can happen?
– That it hurts, that I get hurt once again… I’m afraid, I’m overcome with fear that, if I open my mouth, I’ll ruin everything around me, but if I stay silent, I’m terrified by the idea that this will hurt me, will break me…
– What’s happening?
– Have you ever loved someone regardless of the distance, where what you feel has been able to overcome any physical barrier?
– Mmmm, no, not really…
– Then please don’t say anything. I ask you to just listen to me… The person who was supposed to help me didn’t, she just made me feel bad… She made me feel like a foolish dreamer who is not capable of being realistic… But to hell with that! Be “realistic”!
– I don’t know what you feel, I don’t know what makes you uncomfortable, or makes you feel bad… But, at least I can listen to you…
– Thank you… Sometimes, I look at myself in the mirror, and I say to myself “you’re not that ugly, I think you’re kind of handsome”, other times, when I see myself, I say “I don’t like how I look, I wish I looked better, even if it’s a little different” …
– (Sigh)
– I get out of bed… Sometimes with all the courage in the world… Sometimes I feel as if I were capable of carrying the entire world on my shoulders… But, there are days where I am afraid to wake up… Fear that the day that is about to happen… To begin with, will be a replica of the previous one… Sometimes, I smile without great surprise and say to myself “Let’s do it”, I see that there she is… My heart races, I feel as if I were losing control of the steering wheel… My heart beats desperately, like if his only mission was to get out of my body…
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Act 3 – The Flood (Do You Forgive Me?).
Such heavy rain, it seems like the sky is falling… Will my house be able to hold on? What should I protect? Where do I keep it? Or with whom? Someone will want to save what is here, I mean, everything is already very damaged, many things I don’t know if they can be repaired, I don’t find beauty in them, not anymore… since that day… since that moment… What if I am a burden? I don’t want to feel this way anymore… But who made me feel this way?
“You just talk about it, you say you feel bad, you say you feel like no one cares about you, you send me a song… Honestly, it’s very tiring and overwhelming if you only talk about it… Try to get over that…”
“What you do is called emotional blackmail… You write that you feel bad, but when I talk to you, there comes a moment when you say you don’t want to talk about it… That is blackmail… and I hate that”
– Sorry if I failed, I didn’t know how to act, I didn’t know what mask I should wear so that no one would see that inside me there was a hurricane that was coming with all its force… I didn’t know what to do, everything was new for me… See how my humble abode was flooded, seeing how that hurricane turned into a deluge… A deluge that was drowning me… I kicked with all my strength… I just wanted to reach a safe harbor, I wanted to throw the last anchor that I had left on some dock… I wanted to breathe, cover myself from the merciless rain… I wanted a home… Peace… Forgiveness…. Sorry for writing to you, sorry for thinking that I could find a safe place in you… At the end of the day, who is going to love someone with so many problems, someone who can barely breathe, someone who doesn’t feel safe? Well, I do… Sorry…
Do you remember how we met? What a magnificent day… It was a spectacular Saturday, a friend (sigh) friend… had invited me to study with you… With all the excitement in the world, I accepted…
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Act 4 – I Only Needed One Thing.
“Can you send me a hug?” I asked you in the middle of my early morning while my world was falling apart, where I was not able to see a new dawn… Where I felt that my heart was breaking into pieces… Where my fears wanted to return, where the feeling of being replaced and forgotten touched at my doors, while I listened with fear to their evil laughter… I just wanted a hug, I just wanted to feel a little better in the middle of the darkness of the night, and in the middle of the cold that turned off my heart… I thought we had left our differences behind… In the past… I naively thought that I could find in you that hug for which my heart and mind cried out so much… I was wrong… I was wrong again… “Jorge, it’s too much” That was what you told me, when I just wanted a hug… I’m sorry for having asked you that, I’m sorry for having bothered you, I swear, it was never my intention to bother you or make you feel uncomfortable… I’m sorry for having come into your life…
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Act 5 – I Think I Can Handle It.
-So, what is it that worries you so much?
– I’m afraid that my past will take over my present… That it will steal my future… That it will take over my peace, that it will strip away everything that makes me happy, that it will take away the people I love… That it will take away from me… That’s what I’m afraid of, that’s what torments me…
“Here it comes quickly, and I still don’t feel ready, I still have a lot of things to put away, I still have to put my closet in order,” I said to myself when I saw through the window the ferocity with which that hurricane was approaching…
“Oh Father, Lord, please take care of me, shelter me, allow me to rest, help me to even find a little relief and rest in my dreams… Make them go away, make them leave here… I beg you, my Father, do May that hurricane disappear, may it be lost in the immensities of the world, but may it not damage anyone else’s home… I already know well what it feels like…” I pray before going to sleep, hoping that I can sleep… They move away… Sweet current It travels through my arteries, I feel like an electric current takes possession of me, of every corner of my being… But it’s not scary. At the same time, I hear a voice that tells me that everything will be fine, that it is time to rest… Without realizing it, I am already sleeping… Dreaming that I am with my father, looking for a book, however, I am not able to distinguish or remember that book I’m trying to find…
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Act 6 – Or Not? What If They Were Right?
“What if they are right?” “What if she’s tired of me?” “Maybe it was too much” Sometimes these ideas haunt me, sometimes they torment me, they steal my peace, they steal my nights, my rest…
I’m afraid of losing her, I’m afraid of losing the first person who has made me feel good, the first person who has made me feel appreciated and that I am important… I am terrified to think that one day, we will be just two strangers with shared memories. common…
I’m sorry for all the mistakes I’ve made, I’m sorry for everything I’ve done that, without realizing it, made you feel bad in some way… I’m still learning to deal with this… But believe in me when I say the following… In the end of the day, I will emerge victorious over everything that makes me noise, over every fear and anguish… And if you give me the opportunity, even though I am not the best artist, I will do my best to draw a smile on your face every day. …
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Act 7 – Empathy.
There are times when, without realizing it, or without wanting to hurt people, especially those we love, we can hurt them with even small actions or words, which may be that, for us, that action or word is insignificant, but for the receiver, is a whole sea of ideas that can overwhelm him or her, make him or her feel bad, as if he or she were a burden to those around him or her…
It is not easy to have to deal with the thoughts that attack mercilessly and without rest, with those thoughts that always paint the worst scenario… It is a constant struggle… There are many battles that have to be fought, some may be lost, others may be won… There will be days where there may be no energy left to even get out of bed, and there will be times when we will have all the energy and the best attitude to face each adversity that may come our way, but many times, it is only necessary a small comment or a small action, so that what is tormenting us comes out of hiding and begins to do its work…
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Act 8 – There Are Two Ways… Never Surrender…
“Don’t think so much”… Imagine that you are on an uphill hill, in the middle of winter, and suddenly, the tiniest false move, loosened something, and in the distance he was able to visualize how a large snowball was forming, and in its path, it destroys every tree there may be. You stand firm, you try to prepare for the impact, you try to strengthen your legs, your arms, your back, you are in a position to try to stop it… It reaches you; you try your best so that that great heavy ball does not pass over you or destroy everything that is around you or your small village, that is, that which somehow makes you have some peace and relief when everything around you becomes dark and cold… There you are, drawing strength from any place, you see that you are stronger than you thought, you see that those voices were not telling the truth…
Now two main possibilities open up before you… Something happens that loosens the ground where you are standing and that snowball passes over you and demolishes your villa, or in the best of scenarios, you get even more strength and push, now it is you yourself who is pushing that ball away, and the moment comes where you start to hear voices telling you “you are important to me” “I appreciate you”, “ You are a great person”, “I feel happy to have met you”, “I am lucky to have you as a friend”… You feel like an electric current runs through every corner of your body, and you see how your arms become stronger, you see how you walk is safer, and you know that you can achieve it, you know that that battle is already yours, you know that you are already the winner… You pick it up and throw it away… You won that match… You lie down on the ground because that turned out to be a complete odyssey … On the ground resting you begin to hear voices saying “I knew you would make it” “I have always trusted you” “I never doubted you” “I am proud of you” … You smile as you look at the sky and say “it was worth it”…
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