Everything was under storms, and darkness reigned, under the overwhelming mantle of desolation and despair, my soul was lost, I could not find direction or meaning, everything seemed banal, trivial, there was nothing that could make me feel better, I felt that little by little I was approaching the edge of a precipice that knows no end… My mind wandered, my weak heart found itself, my lost spirit trying to take the helm of the ship and be able to navigate between the ferocious waves of fear, uncertainty, and insecurities, my fears and lurking fears were found, surrounding me. prowling like hawks do with their prey… Doubts ate at me, I couldn’t go on alone anymore, but I was alone….
On a cold and rainy night, one of those nights where not a soul is perceived, where loneliness is your only companion. One of those where the only thing that could be heard was the creaking of the doors moved by the strong gusts of wind, where you can hear each drop hitting the windows… I was at my desk, drowned in a sea of thoughts, drunk with uncertainty and trembling for not knowing what was coming next… The question “Would anyone care if I disappeared tonight? What’s more, would anyone even notice my absence the next morning?” …. Dostoevsky said that the darkest nights are when the stars shine the strongest… That night told me that everything would pass, I was incredulous because I kept listening to the voices inside my head, I kept submerging myself. God in his eternal mercy sent a signal, and a star passed by my window at great speed, surprised and stunned I was left to contemplate the singularity of that star, it was not like the one we see every night, or like the ones that cartoons have shown us, this one was very different, it shone brightly, leaving a light in its wake if the light continued there even though the star was already miles away, that made me know that something would change in that November…
That next morning there was peace… peace, a feeling that my body took as something alien to it, my soul and heart told me that the environment was different. A different air was felt throughout the place, a freshness could be perceived, it was a “strange” sensation, but my body and heart longed for so much… It was a lucky day because you made yourself known, you crossed my path, and now I believe in destiny… I had a poor heart that sometimes broke, went out, but never gave up… Between cardboard stars, I lost the illusion that an angel would lift me up…. And it is that you came into my life in such an unexpected way, that I was not ready for such a beautiful angel, you came when I least expected it, but when I needed it most, all the storms inside me suddenly calmed down, every fear and uncertainty walked away as if there was something or someone that was driving away every fear, every demon…
Seeing the sweetness of your look, the beauty that emanated from your smile, beauty that reached the most remote places of the heart, touching every feeling and emotion in its path, causing a mixture of them, but that, without a doubt, everything was wisely intertwining, because there were no fears, there were no insecurities… I had been transported to a wonderful place, I was not on this planet, because that beauty did not correspond to this world, I could say that that angel was a Martian since her singular beauty was such that not even going through the most remote corners of the planet could you find… That angel, with that golden hair, shone so much that the night in which I was immersed had disappeared, now it was the most beautiful day, the sun was more beautiful than you have ever seen…. It was a light among the darkness…
I once heard in a movie, that if you are afraid to do something, that is when you have to throw yourself out of the boat the most, and if you are afraid of sinking, then you should start swimming… That is what I did….
I don’t know if life will allow me to continue exploring the world alongside this beautiful being, I don’t know if it will give me license to continue knowing every corner of her soul and heart so that together we can heal our wounds so that together we can overthrow every fear and dread that we can house, I don’t know if life continues to allow me to build bridges and pillars that reinforce each moment that we have built together… I don’t know what will happen, because we human beings belong to time, we are its children, we are leaving, but time is remaining, and if I have to go, I want to go with this wonderful person who has taught me so much and who today I admire too much…
There is too much for which I must thank that wonderful person who has been a light in the midst of the chaos and catastrophe in which I was falling, she has been an angel who came to rescue my being, my spirit… Thank you for every moment together, thank you for every smile, thank you for every lesson in courage, thank you for teaching me that there is still the value of friendship, thank you for being that light within the darkness…
“I can see the sun, but even if I cannot see the sun, I know that it exists. And to know that the sun is there – that is living.”
Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
Leave a Reply