Chapter 5. The Park.

By that season of the year, with the wintry atmosphere knocking at the door of the year, and letting everyone know that we were approaching to a different winter. The Park used to be full of greenery, pines, and different kinds of trees; sometimes, squirrels could be seen, nevertheless, in this winter, no animal could be sighted. Autumn had done cruel and horrid work against the life in this park, there was not even a single leaf pending vigorously… This was a completely different park, there was not a single Christmas tread…

The wind blew with such excessive force that it became suffocating. With each gust of air, a little joy and energy left with it. Where was that Christmas spirit that always characterizes this season of the year? Why precisely this year to have such an autumn like this? Was it a presage that something unpleasant was coming to their life?

There were only a few souls in The Park, all of them were just strolling aimlessly around, like waiting for something to take their life away. Some children could be observed playing with a dog, and two or three couples eating, but there was a weird and I daresay, abnormal feeling floating above the air, encroaching on everyone’s spirits.

— “I’m here already in The Park. Where are you darling’… Gosh, it’s freezing out here. I should have worn another jacket and a scarf…” These were the messages Juan sent to his girlfriend.

As he was waiting for her response, he decided to walk up and down around The Park and remember all the beautiful moments that took place here, and where every single form of life witnessed how they both demonstrated their genuine, and beatific love.

He observed in the distance a couple, it seemed that they were getting engaged. “What a beautiful place they chose to make this moment happen, even though, the climate does not help… I wonder when I’ll live those feelings. One can imagine how they might feel, nonetheless, only real experience can bring us the authentic magic, the authentic nature and majesty of life and its event and soul” Juan thought.

There was a bench some kilometers away from the main entrance. He sat down and began remembering one of the first dates they had. How they went for some food, and sat down on this very same bench, and as they were eating, they were joking, telling stories, and most of all, their dreams, their main wishes for life, their goals. It was here, as they were staring at the river in front of them, when Juan told her his biggest dream, becoming a writer. But not a writer who publishes his work in a simple magazine or a low-read newspaper, nor a writer who does not bring anything to society. He made it clear, he wanted to become the most outstanding Mexican writer, not only of this century, but the whole history. He knew he had it difficult, but he believed in himself, and when he opened his heart in this way and told her this dream, she told him: “I have always believed in you, in your skills and abilities, in the passion you put in every single word you write. Just look at one single text you have written, and you’ll see what I see. And what I see is art. You will be the greatest writer, I’m sure…”

He was there, but not here in The Park. He was absorbed by those memories that enlivened not only his day but his life too. Then, suddenly he felt a pine cone touching his back, and he came back to reality… “Why do people appreciate more memories than the present?” “What is real?” He thought. After several minutes, he got up from the bench and checked his phone to see if he had received any reply, and yes, he had already been answered with the following message “Could you please wait me some 20 or 30 minutes, please? Something cropped up and home and I needed to get around this… Please don’t be mad at me”. There was a slight grimace on his face as if it were tenderness for the way she had written to him. He replied, “Sure, don’t worry, and there’s nothing for you to apologize for, just please take care of yourself”.

“Okay, I have some more minutes to stroll around, but what would she want to talk about? Gosh, I don’t like this feeling, it is burning me down. I only hope that she’s okay” “If she is not well, I’d do everything for her to make her smile at least” Thought Juan. After a few steps, he stood at the edge of the river in front of him. Again, new memories came to his mind. “I’d love to live those moments again” “Why don’t we value our present as much as we do with memories?”.

In every step, there were memories, some charming memories, and as with everything in life, some sad or bad memories were manifested as well. There was no doubt, there was a fight in his mind. Fears and memories battle against one another. “What if something happened to her? Or to her family?” “What if she wants to break off our relationship?... But why she would want that?” “Gosh, I can’t withstand this…”

As he was walking back to the entrance to wait for her, he deliberately wanted to pass by the couple that just got engaged minutes ago. He could hear the word, or as he started naming it “the poem of three words”, “I love you”. Probably he had taken something out of the conversation he held with the old man, and he started pondering about the idea of “love”, and its meaning, and how so many people use it indiscriminately, even if they don’t know the difference between, “falling in love with”, “To love someone”, or “infatuation”.

“mhmm, I don’t recall a day or a moment in which I have told her “I love you”, probably because this word brings a strong meaning for me, and I want to be sure when to use it, not just for the mere sake of say it”, Juan thought.

15 minutes had elapsed since he got the last message from his girlfriend. The more time passed, the greater the doubt within him. He was at the entrance, waiting for her; he was mentally and emotionally prepared for everything. The idea of telling her “I love you” started circulating around his head, but also, around his heart; so, he thought, “Will today be the day in which I’ll tell her ‘I love you’?”. Emotions cannot be governed nor controlled by reasoning, they are pure and solemn passion.

She was finally there, looking at his eyes. Everything was a bit different now, not only from her side, he also perceived something rather peculiar this time, something deeper, and more complex. It has been easy and quite simple to express her feelings, and emotions, even fear. Nevertheless, on this occasion, there was something that was not familiar to both of them, it was somehow unfathomable. Dear reader, if you have read Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy, you’ll probably understand this, but the connection that emerged in that precise moment was more meaningful and profound than the connection that took place between Levin and Kitty when they were skiting…

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